I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
