Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
