I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
