Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
