if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
