I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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