I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
