First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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