in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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