you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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