alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
