jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
