Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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