I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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