you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
