i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
