I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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