I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
