have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
