I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
