you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
