Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
