New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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