i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
