Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
