Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
