i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
