tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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