I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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