I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
