the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
