in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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