Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
