My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
