This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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