I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
