Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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