Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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