I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
