guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
