i was born a porn star she said
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
