i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Floor bacon is actually really good
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
