shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
