This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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