The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
