my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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