Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
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