I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
