I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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