so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
