Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
