Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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