I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
