Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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