i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
