Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
