before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All the doctor said was why
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
