Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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