the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
