As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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