Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
