We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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