Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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