Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
