Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
