Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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