so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
