we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
