remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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