don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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