Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
