Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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