I want to make a zoo with you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
