I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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