If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
