Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
