an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
