i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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