This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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