i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
