i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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