I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
