remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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