Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize