That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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