Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
