ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
