Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
