I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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