you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
