I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
