Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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