He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
