Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
