he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
