Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
