And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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