and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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