I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
