she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
