Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
