I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
