it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
please come you make the beer taste better
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
