I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
