Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
