so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
