p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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