I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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