You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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