idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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