i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
