i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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