When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
