I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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