just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
