I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
