she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
