It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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